MY NANU!!

he is a person i love to be with...his hands so beautiful...and those twinkling eyes.......he cracks lots of PJs just to make me laugh......
there were times when i was found more at my nanu's place then at my own house...
we would chat till late nights...he been a deputy collector, used to tell me all his stories..stories of different places and different people...and listening to all those i would go in a dreamland...we used to sleep on the Terese and watch stars...he used to tell me stories of the world so far...the stories of fairies and some stories of knights :)...he always made me the heroin of them all..
he taught me how to make tea...and he was the first one to encouraged to cook ...lol...was the first one to taste it too... :D
we would go for walks together, water the plants together....
he knows so many plants and their medicinal values, he would keep telling me...and when new flower bloomed i go running to him informing about the new arrival...
for anything that happens to me he has a solution...
he tease me by sadishiv's name....he was the Gardner...and i always say...i Will marry you...he is not my types...and he points towards aji...and we both laugh...
still couldn't believe....when he IS has become he WAS...
dint even get time to cry when i hear about it .......still those twinkling eyes flash before my eyes when he smiled at me....still feel his hand in my hand.....still can hear him hum some old song....still could smell the fragrance of his talc....still feel when i go nagpur he will be there to give me medicine when he would hear me cough or tell me some mudra if i complained about knee pain...
still feel we will be sleeping on the Terese looking at the stars , and i hug him tight as soon as i hear some scary voice....still feel he will wake me up in the midnight when its raining move the bedding in and set nets around my bed so that no mosquito can touch me......still feel he will be there asking me koni sardar awadla ka?....
still feel i will meet him........................

The solitude!!!

hmm...sitting here..so man thaughts are running through my head...
so many days of total chattering...giving intro talks..telling about UTsav ,PDS.....the feeling the deep urge that none be left from experiencing this beautiful knowledge that guruji is giving, didnt let me stop....wanted to go on and on....and somewhere....the longing for HIM increased......the rest of the people just vanished...only HE and I left.....any word i could hear was HIS....dint want to be a part of gossips or any other wordly talks...just wanted to be with HIM ...
as they say main aur meri tanhai aksar ye batein karte hai tum hote to kaisa hota :)
the countdown has begun for His arrival in body form...but there's no feverishness in me....Coz i feel that i have got him already...he is with me in me....
and suddenly i feel complete...my closed eyes become watery and few droplets roll down...
and soon could remember his every gesture , his every move...
when i open my eyes...the longing increase...fear i get lost in the crowd and get seperated from him...

Bavre Se Is Jahan Main Bavra Ek Saath Ho
Is Sayani Bheed Main Bas Haathon Mein Tera Haath Ho
Bavri Si Dhun Ho Koi, Bavra Ek Raag Ho
Bavri Si Dhun Ho Koi, Bavra Ek Raag Ho
Bavre Se Pair Chahen, Baavron Tarano Ke, Bavre Se Bol Pe Thirakna.
Bavra Mann, Dekhne Chala Ek Sapna

i find these lines so apt and so true for me....

hahahahahaha..i dont know y m posting this all but just writing this all ,i could feel his presence with me..... :)....could hear him, looking at me asking...kushh ho?

The creative eye

Just saw the flickr account my sister owns...the way she has captured every moment and made it look beautiful is worth praising...go through the http://www.flickr.com/photos/raiza/ to actually know what i mean.

Enlightenment!!!

:)
love
jai guru dev

The Journey So Far!!!

Looking back in life its seems like a play, change of character and change in scenes, just like a movies different events happened...I can recall the time when I wanted to be like my elder sister. Whatever she did, people just loved it. And people would just reject to notice me when she would be around…and now, I see, even if I don't want to be like someone the (dis)qualities just get into me…it's amazing to see how when u love or hate someone how u tend to become like that person…Well never became like my sister though, but uniquely different :)

As life moved on new people came in life…heard someone once saying you tend to become like people u love. And at many occasions would feel.ooh I could never do like this in my life or ohh I would never be like him/her. But as time passed with new situations could see me behaving in a similar manner as the people I despised of or loved.ohh what feeling it used to be, ever time the bell would ring. You are not you…once read somewhere "NONE IS SELFMADE,U TEND TO GET YOUR CHARACTER FROM SO MANY PEOPLE THAT COME IN YOUR LIFE'..And just laughed over it thinking, what rubbish!!!U have full right what to do and what not to...But when such situations came, I behaved in just the similar manner as people I loved or hated would behave or do…it highly surprised me. It was a mixed feeling, it was not me .I was HIM/HER...Such funny thing...But at times, it felt that behaving in that manner was the best that could have been done. One such incidence...One of my friends just rejected to talk to me or respond to any of my mails, and it hurt me a lot, and that time I felt, well, if he had any thing in mind about me and he is having problem with that, we can talk and solve it. And the thought was ohh I will never do such things, this is so rude...But to my surprise after a year or so I found myself doing the same thing to some friend… well thanks to the awareness, I talked it out to the person and could end the turmoil there and then.

This is just one instance; I have caught myself many times. And this has really helped me know people. Know what they must have been exactly going through. The point of' do not see intention behind others action I', I could actually find myself applying it.

Doing the ART OF LIVING COURSE has really helped me to go deeper within. And it has been so amazing to see how mind, body reacts at particular situation, words, and people. How the body would through a bucketful of enzymes and how these hormones act.wow, you look at people u love and u are all pink, hot in face and if that very moment u see the person u despise of, there is this sudden shift of enzymes…and u just are there observing not letting it over power u. The sign that it hasn't overpowered is the smile and the willingness to be there even for the person u don't like... this thought me how to accept people and situations as they are…and the most amazing part was I used to be very very short tempered but when I could actually observe what was going, what was happening, I could see, where I would have shouted otherwise, I was just listening and smiling..Awesome!!!

As a child have seen me being compared to my siblings, and almost ended up disliking what I was. But acceptance gave me ability to accept the uniqueness in me too... I felt immense love for myself. And it was an amazing feeling, of not to look for love here and there. I would see girls looking for partners and SOUL mates to be more precise and I would wonder y u need a soul mate when your soul could be your best mate:) loving myself gave me so much strength...it helped me apply the next sutra too don't be football of others opinions…

Earlier I would accept myself good only if others approved of it. Would find my dedication strong enough only if people could notice it and POINT IT out too. And if none noticed or noticed something that was in contrary to WHAT WAS, I would feel terrible...but when I knew that m the best and there's nothing that I have to prove to others,oh my god what a strength I felt.I just knew my love for guruji, my devotion, my dedication is the best..Even if people think otherwise, but what difference could it make to me because they are not living my life...wow, there was a tremendous fall in the guilt, frustration, trying to prove, feverishness,etc….life was getting simpler and simpler...I could see people were falling for my smile:).i used to get 100s of complement on my smile and y not it was coming from inside.

Share a guru story: guruji was to come to Chandigarh, and we were going to have a maha satsang...the organizers told us that the core team of volunteers will have a personal meeting with guruji, and this was a big carrot for me to forget everything and do whatever possible for him.i did seva day- night, stopping in between only for food and few hours of sleep. It was month of June and it was SUPER hot but as I recall, the sun just didn't exists for me at that time. Went from one home to another inviting everyone to be with the divine (my shivji).but after the maha satsang, there was no volunteer meet, nothing…I was terribly disappointed…I was very angry with guruji, I would fight with him saying u meet just high profile people u care nothing about people like me, who work on ground level, blah blah..then after few months only, he was to come to Patiala, and my teacher asked me to go there ,as the Patiala aol chapter was very small …I went, when I started to do the seva, again the organizers said the same thing that guruji will meet all the volunteers, so while doing seva I said to guruji 'I know u aren't going to meet, this is just to get ur work done, I am doing it only because I LOVE YOU' again kept going from one area to another forgetting everything, just doing whatever I could. On the satsang day I decided not to make any special effort to get nearer to guruji...well I always felt very contended by his glimpse only didnt like to rush on him.i was standing on a higher platform and watching him and the whole satsang from a distance and just said m angry with u , u don't love me…and…and HE started to sing: "tumse ho jori avar sang tori…"there was a big smile on my face and vibrations all over me…I said haan chalo ab maska mat lagao main aise nahi patne wali, bilkul nahi chalega….and went back to divine shop where I was giving the seva.At night after the satsang they called all the volunteers and we were sitting near the swing ,which was kept there for him:).he came :)me and my friend sang all the film romantic songs for him…he was enjoying them so much..:)

Then he was leaving and we made path for him by standing on both sides of the way, when he was passing by me, my teacher said 'guruji this is Chandigarh team, they have specially come for the seva"guruji turned looked at me and my friend and said 'haan janta hoon Deepti aur Gauri'ohhh it was as if somebody moved the earth beneath my feet…I cried and cried (the tears were of total love and gratitude). Came home to Chandigarh used to cry daily out of love, everyday!!And would say to mom want to go to guruji. I can't live without him...I was studying at that time...so mom dad just handled this sensitive state of mine with lots of love. :) and I could so well see opposite values are complementary…there was a moment when I was dying to hear from him,unsatisfied,in so much want, and then was this moment of full contentment, his presence in every cell of my body J

One day read somewhere" when you are natural, you are closest to the divine". And" I would rather like people hating me for what I m than loving me for what I m not", and somewhere all the pretensions just dissolved...I would speak what exactly was happening inside...was observing everything…and it felt so relaxing. I could be more genuine and true. People started enjoying my company even more.

And every moment I was filled with gratitude and loved him more and more.

Listened to ashtavakra geeta 'the highest knowledge' and my life became so simple, all concepts, melted!!Listening to it I used to feel like flying, felt so light...

Things have changed, from me being a SUPER shy and introvert girl, to a very confident, chirpy, friendly girl.

And few days back got another experience that just made my love for my master even stronger...I used to feel if I don't do seva my master will stop loving me, but this isn't the case firstly, he gives you what you can do, and second whatever we do (or don't) he just loves…definitely if u do seva he will show the love sooner but anyhow things be, he just loves.

I feel SUPER DUPER BLESSED AND LUCKY to be born of my parents who always made my life a new phase for learning and loving me, caring for me, every time when other thought I was least worthy of it;-), and getting me closer to guruji…

Many times feel is route ki sabhi line wyast hai but I know he has got my missed call and will call back for sure J

The journey till date has been simply amazing and I am looking forward to bask in his grace more..:-)

Treat for people off sugar and maida(white flour)

Ingredients:

2 cups wheat flour,1n half cup jaggary (or u can use maple syrup),1 tea spoon baking soda,1 teaspoon soda bi carb(khane ka soda),6-7 table spoons of refined oil,1 teaspoon vinegar,1- 1 and half cup milk, 1 teaspoon vanilla essence
Optional: chocolate powder, nuts n raisins, khajoor

Method:

Mix flour, baking soda, khane ka soda in a bowl(making a chocolate cake mix 4table spoons of chocolate powder as well)when mixed well, add oil, milk ,vinegar, and jaggary.mix well stirring the mixture in same direction with a fork preferably. Add essence when the mixture is well mixed.mix it well again by stirring not very vigorously... (if want to add nuts, raisins rap them in some flour and drop in the mixture )grease an oven pan with some oil and flour put this mixture in it)if want to add nuts as topping put some roasted almonds, walnuts, and cashews on the top..

Put this pan in a pre-heated oven at 200 F, for 15- 20 min keeping both the heaters on, then 10 min with only bottom heater on. To check whether the cake is done, poke a knitting needle in the cake if it has nothing sticking on it, grill the cake by keeping only the top heater on for 5 min so that it has a beautiful brown glaze ..But there is batter sticking on the needle cook the cake for some more time…and then grill it...

When done let it come to room temperature and then take it out of the container and eat with chocolate sauce or ice cream or just like that.:)

MINNIE.........

Love the way she looks at me,
so much innocence and so lively...
Her every gesture makes me smile,
there are so many mysteries in her mischievous eyes...
Her smile becomes broader when she tells a lie,
and when she hears her praise , her eyebrows go high...
The beauty becomes brighter when she is angry,
she has looks that would kill, and words stars to come out, in that fury...
'Bloody!!' comes with everything she say,
but' Om Namah Shivay 'is what soon follows the way....
I laugh, I cry ,
with this bundle of joy....
She is an angel who is Alive ;)...,
:D she hates my PJing style......
My love is so deep that i don't fear to share,
I know whenever there is joy i wanna share, she it there :).....
Love you, love you lot,
being with you in one of the best want .....:D:D

Those days and those people called friends

2 gone two to go

what I should feel I don’t know

the happiness to be out of Edu. finally

or the fear of losing them in a go..

what I will miss I cant tell

without them all life seems like hell

what I will miss more

a hug waiting from a fairytale princess gurpreet

or varun’s blow…

D standing with a smile

or Swati’s reasons to go….

2gone two to go…..

will it be Mohit's cute praises

or Reenu’s bubbly hi!

Will it be Surya’s friendly supports

Or Harpreet’s brotherly hold

What I will miss more ….

Those trips, those dance parties…

Or gossips in the hut and Stu C

Teasing everyone for their crushes

Or waiting for my friends glimpses

What? I don’t know what…

Will I be missing Kameshwar’s bold jokes

Or Priya with unending energy and searching her Sodhi ji

Or will it be Amit and Mandy

Behind a tree

Or will it be Amit Chaudhary or Achhar

Attending some call

I think I will miss them all…

Everyone of them has contributed

For my two beautiful years of coll!!

2gone two to go

I am standing here in the middle of the roads

Is it the beginning or the end

Whatever it is please do remember me my lovely friends!!

The dark shades

Time pass so fast, I wonder what was my past

Wish could sit and recall, But memory just seem lost

Some moments here and there pop up, which make me, go deeper

Some voice somewhere calls me loud, when I turn to look none I found

I close my eyes wishing to see more, as I slowly open my memory's doors

One after another events started to run, watching initially the rerun was so much fun

Then came that shadow..., everything seems now blur and hazy

I fear this dark feeling, my heart starts pounding

I want to get out of it, but couldn’t find where to run

The sweat moving drop by drop, from my neck on the spinal chord

Wishing this to be dream, I rub my eyes to get a clear scene

But something heavy, something dry, I am choking, want to cry

Don’t know what has gone, but I feel terribly alone

Like a child lost in the crowd, I wait for my mum to hold me tight

But find myself in the middle of the road, with dark woods and scary voices both

When for help I shout, comes another voice from around

I think it’s the helping hand, I run towards it, but in fire I land

The ambers all so red, with thirst I am already dead

I cry like a baby, hoping someone hear it and sends my mummy

But all efforts go in vain; I keep lying in this intolerable pain

Every voice scares me more; I want to run away but couldn’t find the door

Wish the lightening hits right, falls on me and makes me light

My head becomes heavy with some load, Lips start moving in prayers for the lord

Some tears fall but then the eyes are dry, my heart is bleeding n helplessly I lie

The fire start rising, burning, my body part by part fuming

I shout I cry I beg, But monsters come to take

They close me in a cave so dark; I can hear the hounds bark

The burn getting sore, my energy going lower and lower

My breath I can no more feel, this is something I no more can deal

Waiting for the last breath to come, wishing someone to shoot me with a gun

I can’t feel my body and my head is in pain, I wish I open my eyes and find myself in happy rains

But when I open my eyes everything is blur, coming in the past m stuck in lurch

When pleasant sounds come and go, the monsters put me in hot water low

I wish they come and set me free, I wish they come…..

Hope is fading away with every second, Happiness I can no more pretend

I can see no path no way; there is no sun no bright ray

I try to walk but my legs are limp, I crawl but my breath start to sink

People I love flash in front of me, my sister my brother with them I want to be

My eyes have dried they have no tears, Heart is feelingsless with only fears

I hold a hand; I think that will take me out, and then I hear another shout……………………..

Those days...........

The face had it all

Which made me rise tall

Those eyes had a whole sea in it

A sea of love and compassion within.

The name I couldn’t forget

For which I will never regret

The first touch the first kiss

I remember every bit of it

Feeling the same emotions again

I feel the sun and the rain

Your eyes on my face

And the wonderful moments in your grace

The smile that soothed me

Elevated my spirit and set me free

The tulip laugh now and the roses shy

You left me in between and u dint tell me why

The days are lonely long

And life has forgotten its lovely song

Come back my love

Come back my life

You are the moon of my sky

And yours is the arm wanna lie till I die…..

..

Love had to happen

In the darkness of the night, I still see the same only light

That is attracting me towards itself, for what I can’t tell

It says to me in yellow,’ come to me follow me fellow.

I will take you to the space of happiness and wealth of peacefulness’’.

I can still fell the warmth, like fire pouring its wrath.

The light there still talks to me; it has the calmness like thee...

I can’t stop myself from going there and crossing all limits of fire and air.

Ah! Love has come to the world, now I can’t utter even a single word…….

My Sunshine

Tiny hands with a teddy, cute face, I see the baby…

Laces and ribbons, and the mouth full with a lollipop…

Her hair tied in a pony tail, she runs after every snail….

Her frilled frock jumps with her, her eyes shine bright with every touch of fur

Sunshine she is, in her presence worries just fizz

She is an angel, who befriends any stranger

The eyes when cry, my heart just die….

Hug she gives, no other want lives….

My life, my every drop of blood, you are my darling little gurl

Thoughts

The heat, the heat of the sun;

In my mind thousands thoughts run…

Different faces I see around;

Which have features so varied and profound...

Mind starts humming some sound;

The train adding music in the background…

Songs of love, songs of separation;

Come up with every station…

When I sit and look out;

All the tress seem running around…

The sounds of vendors bring me back;

I realize I am in a train on the track….

Life is like that too;

Events come and go...

Some events hold us long;

And you are with it even when it’s long gone…

Then some vendor of happiness makes you aware;

That life moves on don’t get stuck beware…

I laugh on my thoughts aloud;

How they can come up in such a crowd…

But these are the thoughts I think;

Which to my life adds color and gives it some meaning…

Ohh! What a thought it was;

That I wrote a poem without a cause….

The Enticing Nature

when I walk in the woods so green, I see before me a marvelous scene.

The blue sky above and the innocent dove.

The sun shining all bright, making the water a fiery sight...

The cool wind and the fragrant air, passes through my silky hair.

I close my eyes; I feel the bliss, this all in the city I miss.

The crowd, the people make me weak, the unconditional love is what I seek...

I sit here alone but not lonely, I hear the trees speak to me only.

The birds sing for me to smile, I forget the city life for a while.

The earth holds me in her arms so tight, I feel the warmth and love she hide.

The insects add to the melody, when I sing with them they are gay and happy.

With people I want to posses, n I cry alone in the darkness.

But this nature loves me best, with it I forget the rest………