Every Woman

I am the Shakti

  the woman of power

I am the Jagjanani

  the generator and the life sustainer

I am Amba

  the committed one

I am Chandi

  the killer of demons

I am the Durga

  the one with valour

I am Gauri

  the queen of beauty

I am Saraswati

  the nightingale

I am Laxmi

 the doll of gold

I am Gargi and Maitrai

  the most knowledgeable

I am Sita

   the most loyal of all

I am the one that flows through life

I am the one creates new life

I am the one who protects it all

I am the one who beautifies it right

I am the happiness of the creation

and the reason for all the celebrations

I AM THE GODDESS.....!!!!

I WANT TO GROW OLD WITH YOU 

Every-time I sit to write about Him
the words are just not right they seem.
     coz what in him i see
     is much much bigger than sea
He is smart and loves himself a lot.
has a dialog ready for every plot.
      His Pjs are his trade mark
      which make any moment bright which was dark.
His plans bigger than life and impresses all
implementing them everyone has a ball.
       he motivates and ethus everyone and make their vision wide
       but inside he is a chhotusa ,badmash child.
He is a hero for everyone
but from commitments he fears and run.
      He is a father when its night
      becomes a boss when the day shines bright
Becomes a lover in the time alone
and a colleague when talking over the phone
      He makes me smile and makes me cry.
      when he stares admiringly, I shy.
he is my energy booster
also my stress buster.
     he is a family and a friend too.
     though the time spent alone are very few.
He brings out  the best in me

I love him next to thy.
     He makes everything that's gone wrong
     with him i wish to sing all the love songs.
how do i express my love fully
coz everything i write looks dull and seems silly

LET GO......

Long are the hair

where lies the mist of darkness

through them i see

The face so bright

The eyes that of burning embers

and the that radiating glow

the smile that make anyone skip

a beat in the heart

when i see him, want to get merged

in the warmth

the hold so reaffirming

that life is short don't waste it so.

the touch that says

don't be afraid to fall. I 'm here to hold

Long and long,I long for him

His presence is so soothing ,I love that angelic being.

But angels don't stay in hands

they are just the divine lights

who tell life not about

running after things

its about realizing..

I too am a glowing beam.

I realize ,I understand the whole thing

and then again I get lost in the crowd

People run here and there

with them me too

b'coz I forget

The purpose of my life is not to hold on to but to let go.... 

Basking in the Grace

Was reading my own old post'The Journey so far'', and felt its been a long time since i have written anything....

this is the story of a looonnnggg wait which finally ended on 16th jan. since i had heard the chantings my soul yearned to chant them. its the Guru Pooja chantings. Ever since i heard Bhanu Di chanting these beautiful verses for the great gurus who have been who are and who would be, my lips wanted to move with the rhythm.

It is said that u do all the courses when your TIME comes. And i was finally applying for the GP course after 4-5 years of wait.The day i had registered for the Guru Pooja course i was on the top of the world. The very idea of going to finally sing the praises i was filled with all joys...My application was accepted and i got the invite for the course...BUT when the course was suppose to happen i had to be present in Ludhiana for a very big and important assignment and couldn't make it to the course....it was feeling so bad as if you are dying of thirst you get the glass filled with water but when you are about to take the sip the glass falls down and the water spills over....Thought had asked guruji that wanna do the course with the money i have earned not by borrowing from someone, and don't have enough yet,so guruji is making me wait..

But then the heart wanted it even more badly... had promised myself nothing else matters more than me learning the chanting..

And the day came when got call from ashram asking me whether i will be going to ashram for the course that was to happen in January.And i was again filled with joy just by the mere thought of doing it this time...and in just few hours my friend confirmed that she too will be attending it and the tickets were booked...:) But you know the heart always doubts the positive...i was just not making it public thinking dont know may be this time as well something will pop up at the last moment and wont be able to attend...as the winters were at its peek and and the trains were getting canceled and flights too...

But the day came when we were suppose to leave from Delhi to Bangalore,and couldn't just believe ,the temperature had suddenly high..no fog in the atmosphere and our train was on time...the journey was awesome ,had super fun.reached Bangalore, but there was still something going in my mind, ''doubting the positive''.we all got down to take out money for the donation of the course, from ATM..my sister was to fund me for this course and i had reminded her day before to transfer the money in my account which i didn't know whether she had, as had not talked to her since.I asked the cab driver to stop near an ATM and called my sister up to check whether she has deposited money in my account so that i can withdraw it... to my dismay she said she hadn't. I was in complete confused state as i knew i had not enough money in my account and was wondering how i was to pay the donation amount for the course ..I just Prayed to Guruji and when in the ATM. put my debit card punched my pin and the amount... I was waiting for  Not Enough BALANCE message to pop up on the screen. But to my surprise the money came out.. i couldn't believe it.. then i just remembered that I had asked Guruji that i will do the gurupuja course with the money I had earned.. and he made it happen... Its still a mystery from where the money came in my account.. but it happened and my faith strengthens with the passing time

This is the night
 The night so blue
Heart filled with hope and light
I sit with teary eyes remembering you
I close my eyes
And i see you
I open them wide
But there is only dew
I smile that you might be looking
Close my eyes feeling you 'll be hugging
But the smile just fade and lips start to drop
For just a glimpse of yours i hope
The days pass by
With them me too
I sit in the dark
Hoping for a beginning that's new
Longing  gets converted in tears
Flowing on my cheeks
Role down on my neck till i weep.....

LOVE

Love....what does it mean?

When I heard Guruji say 'love is not an emotion, it your very nature’. I just took it without understanding it...like in the early days when u have freshly done course, you are so much in love with guruji that even if u don’t understand a word, you want to hear him... same was I and to say same I am...but then the quest was on what exactly I am made up of.

Growing up reading fairytale and then mills and boons, had somewhere developed some dreams...dreams about someone special somewhere for me, who is there just for me...who will do all the cute things to me...

Days passes and months too...the wait was still on, I must say till I found you...

YOU!! Who is this you....?

Well you know people say so many things about love and that confuses one even more...

And then dil ki khushrat ke liye we start categorizing love into attraction, infatuation etc

, which confuses one even more. And not only that, these songs like" I finally found someone, when you love someone, please forgive me, you are still the one" ,makes your hopes go high... And then you feel what you see in the movies or read in the books is the real love...

But then I got to feel what love really means....love is what u feel when you see the innocence in a Child's eyes, love is when a mother looks at her new born and tears flow from her eyes, love is when the person so dear to you holds your hand with an affirmation 'I m there, don’t worry’. Love is when u have lost it and your best friend gives u a hug, love is when you just lie lazy in your dads arms, love is when your mom comes and kisses you on ur cheeks when you are busy working , love is when your sister wants to spend her salary on you just to see you smile....

love is when even if you don’t talk for years but when you finally talk you do not feel there had been any gap...love is when u want to give everything , every single damn thing just to get THAT look...

Love is when you wait you long and u get that glimpse and u are on the top of the world...

Love is when you just give expecting nothing...

love is also when in every other person you see him...when u close your eyes his face flash...love is when you miss doing anything in life and at the same time you feel his presence there with you...

love is when you want to share yourself ...love is when cold wind blows and you feel yourself wrapped in his arms...

Love is, when you cook something and you want him to taste it...love is when u can’t see the tears, you would want to do anything to stop them..... Love is when you don’t want your dear ones to lose anywhere...

Love is when you cry standing in the rains so that no one can know...love is when you have 5000 rs in your bank account and you spend it all on buying gifts for others...

Love is what you feel when those gaze fall on you, love is when you long for him.

Love is when in every romantic movie you two replace the hero heroin...love is when want to share your first kiss with him only....love is when u know he is yours and you believe he will understand, you hope and pray...

Love is when u want to hate him the most coz you have loved him the most, but u cannot but care for...

love is when u hear the bhajan jo tera roop ho wo mera roop ho and u actually mean it when u sing along...

Love is forgetting the YOU and ME...

Love is everything and Love is also in total nothingness....

All I could experience because I have HIM, in my life...

He taught me how to love with all the existence and not demanding anything in return...and then when I open my eyes I see nothing but love everywhere....and then wonder how can this be an emotion as everything I see around is nothing but love may it be jealousy, greed, anger, hatred....it’s just love...

It makes me float in bliss, and at same time make me cry out of longing...And when I close my eyes I feel myself wrapped n the feathery touch of his arms crapping me, make me feel secure and protected...

AND thus, LOVE WILL PREVAIL!!!! Please forgive me I can't stop loving you :)

Tera (13)may, sabkuch tera

Some times the Love is so strong that you just cant take care of longing just by the photograph, you want to convert this longing into meeting...And this is what was happening with me...

keeping away from Guruji for such a long time want making eyes swollen, coz would end up crying throughout every night...

And so couldn't just take it anymore when i made up my mind to be there with him physically on his birthday come what may..And the whole trip went as if also wanted me around :)

I just called one of my friends if he would like to accompany me and to my surprise he agreed instantly and not only that, he also booked our tickets...we flew 2 days before the birthday and that made the trip awesomer..

reached air port and decided will go to city and reach ashram for the satsang... so we boarded a bus till majestic..and what a wonder it was to find an lcd behind ever seat in the BTMC bus Wyfi enabled...played games till we reach majestic....it was hot in Bangalore and had not eaten anything so my head was spinning. So we decided to take a bus to bnshankari directly instead of roaming in the city..

In this bus to Banshankari where i was sitting an old aunty came an stud, i felt really bad and offered her my seat. was just standing there when another aunty sat on my luggage , i just looked at her and smiled, so she asked me if it was my luggage, when i said yes! she said why did u not scream at me for sitting o ur luggage, i just said because there was nothing that would break. And she was so impressed that she asked me if i had lunch ad when i said no she invited me to her house to have food first and go to ashram.....

i myself was amazed at my this reaction , i was myself wondering how i could manage to be so calm when my pitta is so aggravated. Guruji just does it,i was smiling through out even when my head was thumping with severe pain and people around me wanted to talk to me...lol

The journey to reach ashram was like crossing seven sea. with bad back ache and head ache travelled through buses and then hired an auto which broke down in between as well...

but mind was calm some satisfaction was there...

Finally we reached ashram, and what i see is the satsang had just started , we ran to VM and what i see is HIM....aaahhh ...what a feeling as if the purpose of my life is complete...was just looking at his completely magical existence...

when the satsang got over and he left everyone around me said pray for accommodation the housing people are not giving one. BUT he wanted me to be there, i went to the reception and i got room in Aparna :) without any chik chik...everyone was surprised ....but he wanted me to be there... and m room mate was a senior teacher from Oman...we developed a warm feeling instantly..

I was like getting drunken in the JOY. was smiling without a reason was happy and jumping just like that....it was like the freshness of the air and purity of the environment was flowing with my blood reaching every cell of my body rejuvenatory it ...

Met Rajesh Bhaiya and spending those few moments with him was like reconnecting....learnt shlokas from Geeta...And the one thing he said hit home for me . He told me that in a very small gathering Guruji said 'Pata hai hamre jeevan ka uddeshya kya hona chahiye...ishwar ki seva aur ishvar ki prapti' and then he said'waise aur koi uddeshya hai kya?' :)

and i just felt yahi to yahi to....just closed my eyes and could see his smiling face...and suddenly my eyes became teary and a big big smile appeared on my face...and couldn't just resist hugging bhaiya...and he hugged me back like i was his most delicate baby....what a feeling it was as if Guruji himself was there for me...

and then came the time to go and be with the lord of my life again...the satsang time...

i was standing outside waiting for him and he came stud in front of me talking to someone.....and i remembered during one of the cry nights i prayed to guruji chahe kuchh mat do par atleast mujhe aapko niharne ka mauka to do...and here he was ...and as it is said in hindi aankhe bhar kar unhe dekh sakti thi ab....

In the satsang what he said was like only for me....sitting there in VM reciting Shlokas from geeta i felt as if m in the times of SHANKARACHARYA....felt so connected to the sourse...and the Guruji said Yogi ko kuchh karne ki jarurat nahi hai bas vishram kare, aur ye arjun ko krishna ne kahan tha aur main tumhe keh raha hoon...AIE GA!! that was it my whole body was having goosebumps...

Mom had sent laddoos for him and i just could understand when to give them...so when he was leaving at night for tripura his car slowed down in front of me and i held the box towards him ahd he instantly grabbed it in a way that he held my hand ohhhhhh!!!! i was gone i just stood in total wonder what a feeling it was after ages i was feeling it all...getting it all...And came his birthday. morning long kriya followed by Dev pooja and guruji getting BHav what else would u ask for. It was like LOVE sitting in front of you....

He went to city.where he celebrated his birthday during the day..Wait for the evening for the grand celebrations.I had heard that a 21 feet long cake was made...lol ...we people are very god at exaggerating.The cke was of 200kg huge one around 14 feet long.

And then he came.. What majestic walk!! Aaahhh!! satsang happened and i wanted to look the best for him n i was feeling very beautiful as well...;) and i wanted him to notice it.

But i was wondering how could this happen in sucha huge crowd..And then only he said ' main sabko personal darshan doonga aaj chahe 12 baj jae 1 baj jae'.

and he started walking in the crowd.. initially i was so scare because i had seen even a small crowd would just pounce on him and now there were around 20,000 people sitting...But he id GOD!!!in true sense.. he was walking through sucha huge crowd but no stampede no injuries.when he as at the end of the sitting area people in the middle and in the begining were sitting patiently for him..i as watching from an elevated platform....and my god , there was not a single moment when his smile was gone r any time he was feeling irritated... he was meeting everyone with so much enthusiasm receiving all the gifts...

Aditi was standing with me when guruji was to come in our area...we were standing far from the crowd..and she said aage chalo guruji age aaenge and i us sai unhone kahan ai na sab khud ake milenge to wo khud hi hamar paas aaenge..

And guruji came near the place where we were standig andinstead of coming towards us, he turned.. but before going he just turned and looked at me and gave me a look as if saying i like it ;)

and it lie always whenever i have dressed up for him he has alwaysacknowledged it and this time also he did it..

and in just 10 min e came back we were still standing there only and guruj came in front o us himself and divya gave hi the gift mom had sent for him and he shook it and asked kya hai ismain kholke dekho...ohhhh felt oh my god! he is coming in our line after meeting around 5-6 thousand people and still he is so energetic o enthusiastic and so child like excited about the birthday gifts.. i was in wonder through out...the people who were making sure the crowd dont pounce were totally exhausted and drenched in sweat but Guruji ha was fresh as just out from a nice shower...

and with same enthusiasm he met rest of the 8-10 thousand people waitig for him...no human on this planet could do this what he did.and not only this when he was leaving at night he was still so fresh..not a single sign of fatigue showed on his face...

and it was like Love is in the air ...i danced like never before...left behind all the identities and just dance in his love and then tears of gratitude started to flow ....was just wondering how he makes all your wishes come true....there were times when i was crying out of pain and longing and now i was crying out of love and gratitude and these tears were so sweet :)

a trip full of bhakti aisaa lagta hai jaise kahi kuch mil sa gaya hai..jaise radha si ban gi hoon...jahan na greed hai na jealousy hai na hi anger hai aur na hi insecurity hai..bas pyar hi pyar hai ..jahan dil sirf dena chahtahai..bohot kuch sabko.jaise lagta hai kuch mera nai hai fir bhi sab mera hi to hai...

mhara re Giridhar gopal dusra na koi...and ever since getting complements that have become more pretty ....

Are koi kajal lao ji .,mohe kala tika lagao ji

unki chhab se lagu mai to pyari